It’s June now (surprise!), and, as the stay at home order is lifted in many cities and states, you might feel the need to “return to your normal life.” While this may sound right and necessary (unless your life has always sucked this much) I think we all need to take into account that there is no “going back,” no more of the old “normal.”
Coronavirus isn’t actually gone; there’s still no vaccine and more people are contracting the virus every day, but amid rightful protests, the job market crashing and a still-ongoing pandemic, we have to practice some sort of return to “real life.” For many of us this means starting to see our friends and family, going to restaurants, heading into the office, or even dating, for others (hopefully many others) it’s heading for a protest and finding ways to show up and support.
Since no one is telling us how to do things, it’s up to each of us to figure out where we draw the line on responsibly enjoying social experiences, when to leave the house, where to go and what to do. The easiest and most straightforward way to keep ourselves and others safe is wearing a face mask. What? It's annoying? It smells bad? Well… You put up with way worse things that pose ZERO benefit to society. Oh, you don’t believe me? Okay, I’ll prove it to you.
Here’s a list of 15 things we all put up with “normally” that are way more annoying (and useless) than wearing a face mask.
1. Getting a text from your ex – In fact, so many exes have texted since quarantine began that the CDC is soon to publish a treatment plan!
2. That hangnail that you keep picking at even though every time you do it makes it 100 times more painful, but you just. can’t. stop. even. when. you’re. bleeding. it's. just. UGHH!
3. Getting 24 TikToks from your BFF all at once – they’re not memes, that’s a whole episode of prime time tv right there… and for what? You did this for what!?
The worst part is six of them are products your broke furloughed ass can’t afford, eight are weirdly simple dances you know you can’t do, and the rest are weird, unrelatable versions of “Never Have I Ever…”
4. Showing up at a party where the “open bar” consists purely of piss- watery beer. PBR, Natty Light, Yuengling… you know the ones.
5. Getting on a machine at the gym and realizing the person before you did NOT wipe it down. It’s gross… and now we have to add COVID into the mix... this is why we never work out.
6. When someone stands in the middle of the escalator- Oh, no no. That’s fine. I didn’t need to go anywhere anyway. Thank you. *hovers way too close behind them for way too long*.
7. Getting a Facebook notification that some rando is fighting you in the comments– Sir please, take your wrong opinions elsewhere, I hate you.
8. That one person that makes it a point of not partaking in karaoke at a karaoke party– Britney sang “there’s only two type of people in the world,” but she forgot about the ones that complain about the entertainers and refuse to be observers.
9. When you find a parking spot close to the door and there’s a shopping cart in it –– apparently making sure the cart is out of the way is a step too far… which coincidentally is where my car is now- TOO FAR. (PSA: If you do this, please know, you’re the worst.)
10. When Brad (straight/cis-gender male, white) from high school replies your Black Lives Matter story to kindly inform you that “blue lives matter”- kindly, fuck off.
11. Last minute RSVPs
12. AND last minute cancellations. Like when your hair and makeup is ready, you’ve already made an effort, and then you get that text seven minutes before exiting your house with an excuse like “OMG you won’t believe what happened! My neighbor’s cat climbed a tree so my sister was crying and jumped in the pool, but she can’t swim (even though she’s 17) so I had to jump in and rescue her but my phone was in my pocket… anyway so then I had to go to T-mobile to get it fixed, and the helper dude asked me on a date, and like he already has my number so I couldn’t say no... but he was creepy so now I have to pretend I’m dead... so I can’t make it. Saaad. See you soon, though? Miss you!” Boo, you WHORE.
13. When someone asks “does anyone have a charger?” and looks straight at you because they know you always do- you know you have battery problems, bring your own dude! (It’s okay though, you can use mine because I know it can be hard. I’m here for you).
14. Going to reach for the toilet paper and touching the empty tube instead- bonus points if your roommate yells “oh yeah- I meant to tell you, we’re out” from the next room. Thanks.
15. Those Sunday mornings when you log onto Instagram and the first 17 posts are terrible pictures of you from your bff’s finsta, which has more followers than you do… hahahaa pls delete this. Yes I know it’s a finsta, but this dumb account is getting more hype than the selfies on my real account and now all 500 of your followers (+their friends) know what I look like when I'm seven White Claws deep (my fake eyelash is on my cheek. I keep making peace signs). I don’t know what happened, but I don’t want to re-live it. Thx.
Please wear a mask. We know it can be annoying, and that it makes the bottom half of your face break out, that sometimes your breath smells stinky, it kinda feels like you’re breathing mostly CO2 and not enough oxygen, that it may cut the circulation off your ears, and push your nose down possibly causing permanent aesthetic damage, but it’s actually really important. Keep yourself protected and make a habit of prioritizing public health and safety, and we promise to not judge you too hard for texting your ex back.