5 Ways I’ve Become All The Things I Always Made Fun Of
Updated: Mar 29, 2020
As you may already know, it’s truly a great time to be alive (not really). A bit of background: due to this fun virus, my position at work was put on hold (a.k.a furlough), so since last Monday, the only thing I’ve done is aggressively scroll through, and consume, social media content.
I’m not sure how, or when, but at some point within the last two weeks, I have changed as a human being.
So, with that said, Here are five ways I have become every social media cliché I’ve been making fun of since the beginning of time (or the birth of Instagram…whatever):
5. Food Recipes
I’ll admit it, I’m a big fan of these. There’s something satisfying about watching (emphasis on watching) a pile of flour become a dozen perfectly decorated cupcakes in 45 seconds, but I hadn’t really attempted to make any of the recipes until now.
Unfortunately, the only thing I’ve learned about cooking during this quarantine has been that, in real life, making anything takes way longer and creates a huge mess. Oh, and also, I suck at cooking. I’ve saved over 15 Instagram recipes that I want to try out. I have done one and enjoyed 0. With not much else to do, I still plan on trying the other 14 recipes within the next two days.
4. Home Workouts
I always thought that the point of workout videos, you know, the ones with the extremely attractive people, with the bodies, who manage to do 8,743.3 burpees without breaking a sweat, and defy gravity with their jiggle-lessness, were just for us to watch and feel sad about while shame-eating 5 arepas.
Now, I’m stuck at home, my gym is closed, I have literally no money, so home workouts have become a perfect way to achieve something in my day. I’ve now transformed myself into one of those people (no offense…to myself?) who wakes up in the morning, gets dressed, jumps in their living room with an imaginary jump rope, and enjoys it.
Now, please leave me alone while I eat my arepas guilt-free and watch How I Met Your Mother for the third time.
3. Instagram Influencers
Who watches and follows Instagram influencers’ recommendations for god’s sake??? Oh yes, me, I do that now, and on a daily (hourly) basis. With all my newfound free time, I am now fully invested in the lives of Tastyride, Mia Astral, and Cardi B, obviously.
2. Recording myself
I am particularly ashamed of this one. Everytime I see someone adding their amazing (“feeling great!,” “yogi life,” “#NoDaysOff”) workout on their Instagram story, I always think to myself, who the fuck cares? Guess I do, because now I am recording each freaking attempt at a headstand pose I try, and learning how to edit a timelapse video while laughing at myself in the process.
I am so, so sorry, to the masses and myself, for this one. There is really nothing to write about, I have let myself down. On the bright side, my cat was born to be a star.
(In case you're wondering, yes, that's me)
I haven’t accepted any instagram challenges just yet, so there’s some good news. Although that might change very soon. Be prepared to hear more about it, as I keep letting myself down during this quarantine.
So, are we okay? We’ll definitely see about that one.